Jesse looked up from the notebook he’d been writing in and glanced at the clock. Shane was late. Well, that wasn’t really anything new. Shane was rarely on time for anything except for their gigs. But he’d never been this late without calling before, especially not when they had plans on going out instead of just lounging around in Jesse’s room, writing songs and playing music. And kissing. That was Jesse’s favorite part. Sometimes it was all they did, just kiss and touch and whisper in the dark.
Jesse’s cheeks warmed as he thought about it. God. He still couldn’t believe it most days. How was it possible that Shane wanted him? He kept waiting to wake up from the dream, but it didn’t happen. It was true. Shane wanted him and he was ready and willing to show Jesse how much any time they were together. And he told Jesse that he was sexy. Beautiful. Even though Jesse didn’t really agree, he knew that whatever Shane saw in him was different than what he saw in himself. It made him feel confident. Desired. He’d never had anyone look at him the way Shane did. No matter how hard it was for him to understand sometimes, Jesse was starting to settle into the idea that what they had was for real. Maybe even forever.
They hadn’t gone all the way yet. Jesse wasn’t in any kind of rush. It would happen eventually. He knew that Shane wasn’t a virgin and that he used to hook up with some of the guys at the bars where they played. But Shane hadn’t done that since the night they first kissed. It seemed like a millennia ago, but in reality it had only been a little over a month. Jesse wanted to. He thought about it at least five or six times a day. But he still wasn’t ready to cross that line. And Shane was so respectful of that, of him. Shane never pushed. He seemed happy to let their relationship go at Jesse’s pace. It was one of the many reasons Jesse loved him.
Love. Neither one of them had said the word. It was too big, too intimidating, at least for Jesse. Shane had come close once, Jesse knew, but he hadn’t been ready to hear it at the time. He’d stopped Shane with a kiss. But the feeling was there, unspoken between them. How could it not be? Shane was the best friend Jesse had ever had. He’d been halfway in love with Shane since high school when he realized there was so much more to Shane than the angry punk that everyone else saw.
Another glance at the clock made Jesse slam his notebook shut and push it aside. He was starting to get nervous. What if Shane had changed his mind? They were supposed to go out for pizza and maybe catch a movie after, just the two of them. It would be the first time since they’d made their relationship official. Maybe Shane wasn’t ready for that kind of thing yet. It was a huge step, Jesse had to admit, going out as a couple instead of just friends. But, really, how different would it be? It wasn’t as if it was a date really. They’d still be Shane and Jesse, hanging out like always. No one else would have to know that they were desperate to put their hands on each other.
Jesse sat up in bed and grabbed the cordless phone from his nightstand. He dialed Shane’s number, feeling more and more anxious as the line kept ringing without an answer. Finally, on what must have been the fifteenth ring, someone picked up and spoke softly. “Hello?”
Jesse pressed the phone closer to his ear, gripping it in a suddenly sweaty fist. “Shane?”
“Oh, hey, Jess.”
Jesse swallowed thickly. That wasn’t the greeting he’d expected. “Is everything all right? I thought we had plans…”
There was some muffled noise on the other end of the phone, and Shane’s voice got even quieter. “I can’t tonight, okay? I’ll see you at the gig on Sunday.”
Jesse blinked. Sunday? But that was three days away. He hadn’t gone that long without seeing Shane since back in their tutoring days. “But I—”
“I gotta go. Talk to you later.”
The line went dead before Jesse could respond. Dazed, he clicked the ‘end’ button and replaced the phone in its stand. Something was wrong. He could feel it in his gut. Shane had pretty much hung up on him. He’d never done that before. Usually it took them half an hour to get around to saying good-bye and most of the time they had to do the countdown thing and hang up simultaneously or they’d wind up talking until some ridiculous hour of the morning.
Jesse stood abruptly. He was out of his room and halfway down the stairs to ask his mom if he could borrow the car before he came to his senses. He hesitated at the bottom of the steps.
What are you doing? He doesn’t want to see you.
What would Shane think if Jesse went rushing over there? He’d probably seem like some psycho stalker. But no. Something was up, Jesse was sure of it. They’d met for lunch the day before, between Jesse’s last class and his shift at the library, and Shane had tugged him into the bathroom at the restaurant and kissed him for a few long, sweet minutes before they’d finally managed to pull themselves apart. You didn’t just go from that to not wanting to see someone in a day. Not without a good reason. And he had to know what that reason was.
“Mom?” Jesse called into the living room. “Mind if I take your car?”
When he got to Shane’s neighborhood, Jesse had to circle the block twice before he found a decent parking space. He was so distracted by his worry that he completely forgot about Shane’s warning not to come to the area by himself at night—until he spotted a group of bandana-wearing Hispanic guys who were loitering on the steps of the house he was approaching and one of them got up to block his path.
Jesse slowed to a stop as the guy looked him up and down.
“You lost, güerito?”
Jesse just barely resisted the urge to fidget. It was hard under the weight of three different sets of eyes. “No, I’m j-just visiting a friend.”
“Yeah? What friend?”
The guy arched an eyebrow and tilted his head, considering. “Shane, eh? Oh, yeah, I’ve seen you around before. You’re in his band.”
Jesse nodded. “Yeah.”
“Didn’t he tell you? You should be careful coming around here after dark, kid. Some people won’t be as nice as we are.”
Jesse swallowed and nodded again. “He told me. But he d-doesn’t know I’m coming.”
The guy smirked and stepped out of his path, gesturing him forward. “Go on. We’ll keep an eye on your car for you.”
One of the other guys laughed and muttered something in Spanish. Jesse didn’t even look his way, just kept his chin up and his shoulders straight and started walking.
It wasn’t until he was knocking on Shane’s door that Jesse realized how tense he’d been. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and sucked in a shuddery breath as he waited for someone to answer. A few seconds later Nick opened the door with his skateboard tucked under his arm. He looked surprised to see Jesse standing there, but not as surprised as Jesse was by the sight of him.
The right side of Nick’s face was puffy and discolored, his eye swollen almost completely shut. There was a scab in the middle of his lower lip, too, and what looked to be finger-shaped bruising at the base of his throat.
Jesse was horrified. “Are y-you okay?”
Nick immediately went on the defensive. “What the fuck does it look like, genius?” He brushed past Jesse and started down the walkway. “I’m goin’ to Dre’s.”
“Is Sh-Shane here?” Jesse called after him.
“In his bedroom,” Nick answered without turning around.
Jesse stepped into the house and closed the door behind him. The interior was dark and mostly quiet, save for the faint strumming of a guitar coming from the back. He followed the sound to Shane’s bedroom and knocked tentatively.
“Not now, Nicky,” was the muffled response.
Jesse reached down and twisted the knob, opening the door just wide enough to squeeze inside the room and quickly push it shut it again. He didn’t think Shane’s father was in the house, but he was being cautious just in case. It seemed like every time Jesse saw the man he was pissed off about something. “It’s me.”
Shane was sitting on the edge of his bed with his acoustic guitar in his lap. His head jerked up at Jesse’s voice and his eyes went wide.
Jesse’s stomach dropped as they stared at each other in silence. Shane didn’t look as bad as Nicky, but he wasn’t much better off. There was bruising on the right side of his face, from his temple down to the top of his cheekbone, and the area surrounding his eye was a bit puffy.
“Aww, fuck, Jess.” Shane turned his head so that the bruised side was hidden. “I told you I’d see you Sunday.”
Jesse crossed the room to stand in front of him. He could guess what had probably happened, but he wanted to hear it from Shane. He reached out to take the guitar from Shane’s lap and rested it against the side of the nightstand. “I was worried. Tell me what happened. Was it your dad?”
Shane was quiet for a long time. Eventually, he nodded. “Yeah. He caught Nicky with a blunt last night and he went off on him. Fuckin’ asshole. Like we don’t know he smokes that shit, too.” Shane sighed and shook his head. “Anyway, I heard what was going on and ran upstairs. I was only trying to stop him, but he thought I wanted to fight.”
“I’m sorry.” Jesse didn’t know what else to say. He’d known that Shane and Nick’s father hit them sometimes, but he’d never seen the evidence before now. He wondered how many times Shane might have hidden it from him in the past. “You and Nicky need to get out of this house. Maybe the three of us should look into an apartment. Nick will be eighteen soon. Your dad can’t keep him here after that, and there are some cheaper ones near campus. Maybe we could—”
He broke off when Shane finally turned his head to look at him again. Shane’s eyes were dark with an emotion Jesse couldn’t read.
“I didn’t want you to see me like this,” Shane said softly.
The shame in his voice hit Jesse right in the gut. He reached out to touch Shane’s face, just below the bruise on his cheek. “Don’t be embarrassed. This isn’t your fault.” Impulsively, he leaned down and brushed a soft kiss to Shane’s temple. He felt Shane shudder, heard his breath catch and then rush out in a shaky exhalation.
Jesse kissed him again, just the lightest touch on the corner of his mouth. “Shane, it’s okay. You don’t have to hide. No matter what, I—”
Shane’s lips cut off the rest of his words. His arms snaked around Jesse’s waist and tugged him even closer. Jesse groaned into the kiss as Shane’s tongue swirled around his. He threaded his fingers into the silky hair at Shane’s nape and pulled lightly.
It was different at this angle. Jesse wasn’t used to being the taller one. Shane normally towered over him by a good six inches or so, but with Shane sitting on the edge of the low bed and Jesse still standing, their usual roles were reversed. It was Shane who had his head tilted back, Shane whose arms came up to loop around his neck and yank him down instead of the other way around.
They tumbled back onto the bed with Jesse falling on top of Shane. Jesse’s thoughts instantly turned to how heavy he was and how Shane was probably feeling squished and uncomfortable beneath his weight. He tried to pull away but Shane wouldn’t let him. Shane’s hands settled on his ass and kept him locked in place, their pelvises pressed tightly together.
Jesse might have protested if Shane’s kisses weren’t so very distracting. Instead he gave in to them, kissing Shane with all of the pent up lust and yearning he’d been feeling since he first realized how crazy, head-over-heels in love he was with his best friend. He’d held it inside for so long, never thinking that Shane could fall for someone like him. But there they were, kissing and touching, and it was so absolutely amazing that Jesse thought his heart might just burst in chest from the unbearable sweetness of it all.
They went on like that for long, slow minutes, the kisses getting hotter and hotter, their hands growing more and more desperate, until Shane eventually tore his mouth away and started tugging on the hem of Jesse’s shirt. “Off. Want this off.”
Jesse shook his head and reached down to still Shane’s hands. He didn’t want Shane to see his bare chest. He was pudgy. Soft. His stomach wasn’t flat like Shane’s, and he certainly didn’t have a tight little six pack on his abs the way that Shane and Nick did.
No, I can’t. It’s too embarrassing. “Shane, I don’t w-want—”
Shane brushed Jesse’s hands away and tugged on the shirt again. “Come on. I wanna feel you.”
“I thought we already talked about this, Jess.”
Jesse blinked down at him.
Shane’s forehead wrinkled. “I mean, don’t you get it? I like the way you look. I wanna see you. God, I fuckin’ dream about it all the time.”
“But I don’t…look like you.”
“No kidding.” Shane rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to date someone who looks like me. I want you.” He reached for the bottom of Jesse’s shirt again and this time Jesse didn’t stop him. “Come on, sit up.”
Jesse obeyed, sitting upright on the bed. He removed his glasses and set them aside so that Shane could pull the shirt over his head. When he was done, Shane stripped off his own tank top and sent it flying across the room. He didn’t stop there, though. His hands went to the waistband of his jeans and he shoved the baggy material down, leaving himself naked except for his navy blue boxers.
Jesse didn’t know how he could feel so insecure and yet so turned on at the same time. Shane was perfect, all long, wiry muscle and flawless, caramel-colored skin. Even though he was almost naked, he lay there looking totally at ease and unselfconscious. Jesse didn’t blame him. If he looked like Shane, he wouldn’t have any reason to be self-conscious either. As it was, though, Shane’s near-nudity made him feel like every single one of his flaws was that much more pronounced.
But when he looked into Shane’s eyes he didn’t see any judgment there, just heat and longing and unhidden need. Jesse felt bolder in the face of that need. So that when Shane flicked a finger against the button of his cargo pants and gave him a questioning look, Jesse nodded and let Shane undo them. He lifted his hips and let Shane pull them off, and then when Shane curled his fingers into the top of Jesse’s boxers and asked for permission, Jesse said that was okay too.
Seconds later Shane’s boxers had joined Jesse’s on the carpet and they were lying face-to-face on the bed, limbs tangled, completely naked for the first time. Jesse trembled as one of Shane’s lightly furred thighs pressed between his own. Oh God…
“This okay?” Shane whispered. His fingertips trailed up and down Jesse’s spine in a slow, feathery caress.
Jesse shivered and tilted his head back so that Shane could press a kiss to his throat. “Y-yeah.”
Shane’s hand snuck between their bodies, his fingers curling around Jesse’s aching erection. Jesse shuddered at the touch, instinctively arching his back and pressing into the circle of Shane’s fist.
“Tell me how far I can go, babe.” Shane’s lips brushed Jesse’s ear as he spoke. His hand had started up a languid stroke that made Jesse’s entire body tremble. “I’m not tryin’ to rush you, I swear. I just wanna make you feel good.”
Jesse swallowed nervously. He wanted Shane to make him feel good. He wanted to make Shane feel good in return. There was so much he still had to learn, and he wanted Shane to be the one to teach him everything. Jesse wanted to try out all of the rest of it, he really did. But he needed things to go slow. “What do you want to do?”
Shane released Jesse’s cock and slid his hand over Jesse’s hip to cup one of his cheeks. He squeezed lightly, and the feel of that warm palm, and those fingertips, calloused from years of playing the guitar, sent a frisson of pleasure up Jesse’s back.
When one of Shane’s long fingers traced his cleft and skimmed over his entrance, Jesse couldn’t stop himself from burying his face against Shane’s neck to hide his embarrassment. He was breathing hard and he felt like his entire body was blushing. Having Shane touch him there was both scary and exhilarating all at once.
“Do it,” he whispered against the skin of Shane’s throat. “Touch me.”
“Yeah?” The eagerness in Shane’s voice was hard to miss. “You sure?”
Jesse couldn’t bring himself to look up at him. Instead he just nodded and curled one of his arms around Shane’s waist.
Shane pressed a quick kiss to his temple. “Roll over, babe. Lay on your stomach.”
Jesse did as Shane asked and turned his head away to face the wall. Nerves made his pulse race and blood roar in his ears. He felt the bed shift as Shane got up, heard the click of the door being locked and the sound of a drawer being opened. The brightness from the overhead light made him feel exposed, vulnerable. When it switched off and the room was cast into darkness save from the orangey glow from one of the streetlamps outside, he almost sighed with relief. Suddenly the mood in the room seemed so much more intimate and his insecurity faded a bit with the knowledge that his body was partially hidden by the shadows.
Shane settled on the mattress beside him again. Jesse sucked in a sharp breath at the feel of Shane’s long, lean body pressed against his side and a big, warm hand trailing down the length of his spine.
“Tell me if you want me to stop, okay?” Shane’s voice was husky and deep. Jesse shivered.
Shane’s hand left his back. Jesse heard him fumbling with something and then Shane’s fingers were between his legs again, this time slick with some cool, slippery substance.
“This is just so it doesn’t hurt,” Shane whispered into his ear as his fingertips parted Jesse’s cheeks and circled his entrance.
Jesse tried not to tense up. He’d never touched himself there, not for pleasure. Not even late at night when he was alone in his bedroom, thinking of Shane and stroking himself off in the dark. It felt strange, but strangely good at the same time. He wanted more.
“Do it,” Jesse said, just loud enough to be heard above the whir of Shane’s fan. He was sure his face was probably bright red. At that moment, he didn’t care. Even if Shane had been able to see him, he wouldn’t have cared. His skin felt hot and needy, as if every single nerve ending craved Shane’s touch, and his erection throbbed, trapped between his body and the mattress. He wanted to grind down against it, but he managed to hold himself still as one of Shane’s fingers slowly pushed inside.
“Oh…” Jesse trembled and buried his face in one of Shane’s pillows.
“Okay? Need me to stop?”
Jesse shook his head.
Shane slid his finger in deeper. His cock was hard against Jesse’s hip.
“Spread your legs a bit.” Shane’s voice was little more than a whisper, right up next to Jesse’s ear.
Jesse shivered and did as he asked. The action let Shane slide his finger even further inside and he touched something that made Jesse jump as if he’d been shocked.
“Oh God, wh-what—” He couldn’t even finish his sentence as Shane rubbed that place again, nice and slow. Precum beaded at the tip of his shaft, leaking out onto the comforter. Jesse couldn’t stop himself from grinding down into the mattress that time. He needed…gah, he just needed something. He wasn’t sure what.
“Feel good?” Shane murmured, his warm breath radiating across the sweat-slick skin of Jesse’s nape.
“I’m gonna add another finger, babe.”
Shane withdrew his finger and slowly added a second. Having two inside made it a little more uncomfortable. Jesse still didn’t want Shane to stop, but he whimpered into the fabric of the pillow at the burny-stretch.
“It’ll get better, baby, I promise.” Shane was thrusting subtly against Jesse’s hip, the action mimicking the movement of his fingers as he slid them in and out. “You feel so good. So tight and hot. One day it’s gonna be my cock inside you, stretching you.”
Jesse shuddered at Shane’s words, at the sting of a soft bite on his shoulder.
“Do you want that?” Shane said.
The only answer Jesse could give was a moan. Yeah. Yeah, he did want that.
“I want it.” Shane nipped at one of Jesse’s earlobes, just hard enough to cause a tiny bit of pain. His fingers brushed that wonderful, sensitive spot that made Jesse’s entire body quake. “I want you so bad. I wanna feel you come with me inside.” Shane’s mouth slid down Jesse’s throat. When he reached the base, he paused to suck lightly at the skin above Jesse’s racing pulse. “Tell me you want me, too.”
Jesse groaned when Shane’s fingers flexed. The stretching sensation had gone from discomfort to oh-God-so- good. He could hardly draw in a breath to answer, but eventually he managed a few words. “I d-do. I want you.”
“You want my cock in you?” Shane moved his fingers and his hips faster, grinding hard against Jesse’s side.
“You want me to make you come?”
Jesse trembled, pushing back into Shane’s touch. “Y-yeah.”
“Look at me, Jess.”
Jesse forced himself to turn his head and open his eyes. Shane’s face was only a couple inches from his. The light from outside was just bright enough for Jesse to make out Shane’s features—his high cheekbones, his lips, still swollen from their earlier kisses.
“You’re beautiful,” Shane whispered, and then he leaned forward and covered Jesse’s mouth with his.
Jesse parted his lips to let Shane in. For the first time ever, Jesse didn’t doubt Shane’s words. He could tell by the way Shane kissed him, touched him, that Shane really did think he was beautiful. Shane needed him, wanted him. It was enough to bring tears to his eyes.
Shane broke the kiss. He was panting and the movement of his hips had gotten more erratic. Jesse could tell he was close. Jesse was too, just from the feel of Shane’s fingers and the friction against his cock from the mattress.
“Jess…” Shane groaned. “I wanna be your first and your last. No one else but me, ever.”
Jesse shuddered. Shane’s fingers were buried in him as deep as they could go. He was rubbing and rubbing at that spot, driving Jesse crazy.
“Promise me, Jess.”
Jesse tried to talk, tried to think. Shane was making him feel so good, so very good, it was almost impossible.
“Promise me,” Shane said again.
Jesse finally choked out an answer, “I p-promise, Shane. No one else but you. Ever.”
Shane groaned and shook against him. Jesse felt the warmth of Shane’s release on his skin. That was all it took for him to lose it, too. His back bowed and he came, Shane’s name tearing from his mouth on a long moan, his eyelids squeezing shut.
When the tremors stopped and Jesse’s breathing had calmed, Shane gently withdrew his fingers and rested his palm on the small of Jesse’s back.
“Are you okay, babe? Did I hurt you?”
Jesse turned so that he was facing Shane and pressed close. He nestled his head into the crook where Shane’s neck met his shoulder and wrapped an arm around Shane’s waist. Now that it was over, he felt suddenly shy again, but he didn’t want Shane to worry. “You didn’t hurt me. It felt really good.”
“I didn’t push too far?” Shane’s voice rumbled under Jesse’s cheek.
Jesse pressed even closer. “No. Not at all.”
“I meant what I said. I don’t ever want anyone else but you, Jess.”
“I don’t want anyone else either. Only you.”
Shane’s fingers threaded into his hair. He pulled Jesse’s head back and kissed him again, slow and tender and sweet.
“I want to tell the guys,” Shane whispered against Jesse’s lips. It wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned it. “I wanna be with you for real, Jess, out in the open. We shouldn’t have to hide.”
Jesse closed his eyes. He wanted that too. He was just so nervous about what Nicky and Dre would think, what their parents would think. As much as he wanted it—to be out and proud and tell everyone that Shane was his—he just wasn’t ready to take that last step. The thought of it was too scary. “Give me some time, okay? I just…I need a little more time.”
He felt Shane’s nod. “Okay. But soon, Jess. I’m tired of keeping us a secret.”
“I know. I promise, Shane. Soon.”
He fell asleep to the sound of Shane’s heartbeat in his ear. They had the rest of their lives. Shane had said so before. They both wanted the same thing. A few more weeks couldn’t cause any harm.
If you missed Part One or Part Two click on the links below to read more!
First Night (Part One)
Me Too (Part Two)
Read more about Shane, Jesse, Nick, and the other boys from Luck in Moonlight Becomes You, coming from Loose Id on August 9, 2011. And keep an eye on our blog, Babes in Boyland,for our upcoming giveaway contest and your chance to win a free copy of MBY and some great swag. Come on by. Maybe you’ll get lucky!